As far back as I can remember I have been a self characterized "over-thinker", rearranging my room almost weekly and procrastinating assignments because I was too nervous to start and do something wrong. These tendencies reached peaks in high school that were characterized by panic attacks and consistently feeling as though I were not good enough. Even if everyone in my life were to tell me that this were ridiculous, the thoughts in my head outweighed those voices. I continued to struggle with managing my time, which only harmed my mental health by giving my mind validation that I was not performing in the way that I should have been. I let stress take over my experiences, not being able to control it. I tended to feel better when I was busy, and struggled when I had free time. Freshman year of college consisted of a series of new lessons and challenges. There was a turning point when I reached out and sought help because I realized something needed to change. Since then I have had numerous conversations and experiences which have had extremely positive effects on the way I manage my mental health. Previously I had tried to do it all on my own, unsure how to communicate what I was feeling. Everything was tangled in my head, and attempting to untangle it to make sense for someone else and not appear weak didn’t seem possible. Reaching out was one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. I realized that it was okay to feel what I was feeling and that other people really did understand what I was going through. I had a conversation about time management with a family friend that was a turning point in my life. I went about improving my health strategically, learning what aggravated my emotions. I track my sleep to make sure I get enough, because I’ve found without enough I am unable to deter negative thoughts from taking over. I prioritize both my mental and physical health, because realistically they are directly dependent on each other. This will always be a work in progress for me and I still struggle, sometimes feeling like I am doing everything just to avoid letting those negative thoughts creep into my head and control my actions. I have days where I can’t figure out for myself why I am feeling the way I do and have no desire to communicate with others about it. I feel angry when there is no tangible cause for my thoughts, no physical reason to be anxious, no evidence to provide others for the way I’m feeling. The difference now is that with help I have been able to learn how to manage my time, stress, thoughts and emotions. I know that there will be bad days but that I will work through them, and that it doesn’t have to make sense to be valid. It just is, and I am no less for it.
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