In high school most people thought I had the perfect life, but no one really knew the true story and many still don’t. I ended up dating the wrong person, I’ve never wanted to say I was abused because I don’t want to be that girl..I don’t want to be “damaged.” I stayed with him, even long after I realized how unhealthy and bad the situation had become because he had made sure I had no other options. I thought that I was nothing—all my self-confidence had been taken. After two years I finally ended things, but he was only one component of the struggles I faced. I had also gone from winning a national championship to tearing out my ankle, hip, and ACL (3 separate injures) which left me dealing with the reality that my childhood dreams of being a DI athlete were slim. I didn’t know how to regain control of my life or the immense self-hatred I felt and coped with those feelings by obsessing over every calorie and macro-nutrient I consumed, and through excessive exercise. There were times I couldn’t stand up without blacking out, and I Ioved it. For so long my pain and emotions had been dictated by someone else, but now I had that power, and that feeling was addicting. I’ve dealt with an eating disorder (in varying degrees) ever since and it has resulted in almost endless stress fractures and the reality that I may never be able to have children of my own. Skiing and St. Mikes though has given me goals and friendships that have motivated me to seek help and work to improve my mental health. I never wanted to share my story because I was ashamed and thought it made me look weak, but I wanted to give hope to other people in similar situations and let them know that these moments in our life do not define us.
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